“Why does the size matter so much to you?”, he asked me.
Well, I wasn’t expecting such a direct question. I wasn’t quite prepared with an answer. What exactly did he want me to say? More importantly, what exactly did he want to hear?
He must have sensed my unease, because he immediately walked across the room and handed me one of the brown files on his desk to use as hand fan. Of course, NEPA had struck that Tuesday afternoon, and the room was particularly hot. To be honest, I would have preferred a chilled glass of juice; but who can say no to a hand fan in this Lagos heat?
He was getting increasingly impatient. I could tell from the way he shifted his weight in his chair. His excitement was palpable; the mischievous smirk on his face, unmistakable.
I enjoyed watching him suffer in anticipation as I mulled over which of my many reasons to give him.
Then something about the way he nudged me on with his big okpolo eyes, made me know I had to spill it immediately! It was as if he would squeeze the answer out of me if he had to.
“Well it definitely matters to me”, I blurted out! His eyes widened the more as he waited eagerly. It was a comic sight to behold, like his eyes would pop out of its sockets any minute! Why do guys get so heightened whenever the discussion of ‘size’ comes up? Geez, it’s not that deep! No pun intended.
I continued.
“As a matter of fact, it’s the determining factor of the direction our relationship would go. The first time I meet you, it’s the first thing I look at. I literally size you up, and don’t care if you catch me staring; I’m only securing my future. I would get stern glares in return for being too forward, but what can I say? I mean, I can’t go into a relationship with you only to get the short end of the stick.” No pun intended, again.
“Interesting!”, he bellowed; rather too loudly for a man his size. His size. The right size. The main reason I was seated in his office.
You see, Dr. Kunle came in highly recommended by my fellow women who understand, and have also been in a hot pursuit for an OB/GYN with the expertise, and the right size of hands. Yes, the size of a gynaecologist’s hands matter that much to us. Wait, what ‘size’ did you think I was referring to all along? Get your mind out of the gutter!
The memories of my horrid pelvic examination experience are still very fresh in my mind. My menstrual cycle had started acting up, and a gynae whose private hospital was tucked in the heart of Ikeja was suggested to me. A burly middle-aged man, well read and experienced in all things gynaecology and beyond. We had a nice little chit-chat about hormones, polycystic ovaries, anovulation, and life in general. It was all fine and dandy, until it was time for an internal examination. With a demure nurse looking over the procedure, he used the transvaginal ultrasound scan to check on my ovaries and reproductives; quite an uncomfortable nifty tool, that one. There was something about the way my uterus was bent, that he had to use his hand to inspect further.
Brothers and sisters in the lord, the moment he shoved in his hand, which I hadn’t noticed was as wide as a shovel, I screeeeeeeamed! It was as if I was being cultivated. How on earth did I miss the size of his hands? Maybe it was the intelligent conversation that made me forget myself. I pushed away from his weapon of mass cultivation hand, while the nurse offered a sympathetic “pele ma”. He tried to convince me to relax so they could get a better understanding of my tipped uterus. To which I returned a loud “gerrarahere men shiiiiiiiiii! If this uterus likes let it bend at 275°, there’s no way you are examining me ever again!”
Yeah, that’s why I’m here in Dr Kunle’s office to see things for myself – er, his hands actually. He’s so curious as to why the size of his hands got all the compliments I paid them. Should I tell him my hand-shovel story? Maybe not. I recently found out I’m pregnant, and would really prefer smaller hands for the numerous pelvic exams I would have to endure in the later stage of my pregnancy and during labour.
Once bitten, twice shy, I no fit shout abeg!
So, does size matter to you? Are you also in hot pursuit of Dr. small hands? Share your thoughts in the comments!
