A lot of people take themselves for granted, and you are guilty of this too. You’ve lived your whole life completely oblivious of your ability to acquire and master super human skills. You thought those degrees and certifications were the only impressive skills you had to show off on your CV? Well, sorry to burst your modesty bubbles, motherhood has come to expose you for the super woman you truly are. You woman, are a phenomenal force to be reckoned with!
In case you haven’t noticed, here are 10 new skills you’ve mastered that have me in awe of you:
1. M.Sc in Burping
How is it even remotely possible that the one habit that pissed you off so much in your husband or that obnoxious ex, is one you now take so much delight in? So much so that you’ve become the expert burper. You comfortably take a seat and with your hand placed strategically in the middle of our baby’s back, you start rubbing frantically, willing this stubborn gas to come up already. Your hand is beginning to ache, and suddenly from no where your baby rewards your efforts with a loud burp! You break into a sheepish smile because at that moment, the sound of that burp is the best music you’ve heard all year!
2. Inspector General of Poop Affairs
This one takes the cake! How did you suddenly go from not being able to look at your own poop a few years back, to becoming the chief poop inspector? Well, hello motherhood! You know your baby’s poop tells a lot about his health, so you take your time to dig through the ‘pile’ of diapered evidence. Nope, you are not distracted by the smell, you only care about finding out if it’s too runny? Seedy like egusi? Or pasty like toothpaste? You are often found counting the number of poopy diapers your baby ‘gifts’ you per day. Those numbers are very important to you because you know the paediatrician will be interested in them. You even offer up silent prayers when your baby doesn’t poop for days!
3. PhD in Multitasking
Seriously woman, how many hands have you got there? How are you able to accomplish so much at the same time? You get the kids ready, cook, clean, work from 9-5, do the kid’s homework,etc, and still manage to look like a million bucks. Phew! An octopus has got nothing on you octomom!
4. Professional Cry Analyst
I never knew cries had different meanings until I met you. How on earth are you able to understand cry language? A baby’s cries the same way all the time; so it beats me how you can accurately tell, just by cocking your ear from side to side, which is the hunger cry, the happy cry, or the sleepy cry. Heck woman, you can distinguish a ‘change my diaper’ cry from an ‘I want to be carried’ cry. If this is not CV worthy, I don’t know what is!
5. Expert Snot Extractor
I’ve never really been able to understand this one, because I know you actually own a bulb syringe for extracting snot from your baby’s nose. I always marvel at the speed with which you grab your little one as he struggles to breathe through a stuffy nose. You just stick your mouth in there and suck the damn thing out in one go. I repeat, in one go! I guess no Nose Frida or bulb syringe can suck out snot like mama! Do you even remember you actually own one of those?
6. Research Associate in the field of tiptoeing
So your baby finally sleeps off after hours of keeping you up on your feet. Despite how tired you feel, you know the fear of waking up a sleeping baby is the beginning of wisdom. So you walk around on tip toes otherwise you’d never get that me-time you desperately need. Have you considered ballet dancing? You seem to be a good candidate for it.
7. Referee par excellence
They say having one child makes you a mother, having more than one makes you a referee. I can attest to that! You could give Pierluigi Collina a good run for his money with the referree-ing skills you display, as you preside over disputes and squabbles between Damilola and Toberu.
8. Singer Extraordinaire
Adele? Who is that? Have they heard of mama Kamsi’s rendition of the wheels on the bus? Or is it the way Mama Tito has remixed twinkle twinkle little star? Ha! They wan try? Singing has become your favourite past time, it doesn’t matter if your voice sounds like a generator about to run out of diesel. You surely deserve an award for all your effort, at least your baby thinks so!
9. Ace Comedienne
Move over Helen paul! Mama Odafe is in the building! You have mastered the art of making ridiculous faces, with the number one goal of being rewarded with toothless smiles and giggles whether by hook or by crook. It doesn’t matter if you look silly, you must get that giggle today, and somehow you always do! Now tell me if that isn’t a skill in itself.
10. Mama Swift
Two hours to dress up for a wedding? Hmmm, please divide it by 4! Getting the face beat to perfection for one hour? Seriously, Ain’t nobody got time for that! Want to have a long phone conversation to catch up? Ha, you had better send a text! Motherhood has happened and you have very limited time on your hands. If you spend an extra minute in the bathroom, your baby would have somehow found her way to your make up bag and used the lipstick to decorate the walls. You now accomplish every task at the speed of light, just so you can keep an eye on things.
So there you go mama! These are some super skills you can be proud of! By the way, which of these skills will you be adding to your CV?
