As with most matters surrounding maternity in Africa, everything is a secret and always kept hush-hush.
Women go through certain experiences thinking they are alone without knowing others may be going through same.
Nigerian mom Ese Walter shared her postpartum sex experience on #MerDroits60, a twitter platform where young people talk about their sexual and reproductive health and rights.
Below are some of her brutally honest tweets:
Tonight on #MerDroits60 I will be sharing some sexual experiences I had after baby. #postpartumsex
— Ese Walter (@kendrickzma) February 19, 2016
The general advice is to wait six weeks after baby before sex. Six weeks crawled by slowly. #MerDroits60 #postpartumsex
— Ese Walter (@kendrickzma) February 19, 2016
I assumed after six weeks,we’d be back to our usual coupling but that wasn’t the case.As a co-sleeping mum…1/2 #MerDroits60 #postpartumsex
— Ese Walter (@kendrickzma) February 19, 2016
…baby’s sleep patterns played a big role in when sex happened. #MerDroits60 #postpartumsex
— Ese Walter (@kendrickzma) February 19, 2016
I worried about my changing body. My swollen belly and huge milk-filled breasts didn’t let me enjoy sex. #MerDroits60 #postpsrtumsex
— Ese Walter (@kendrickzma) February 19, 2016
As someone who was skinny before baby, it took a while to accept my new https://t.co/LbnoqBBqim happened with the lights off. #MerDroits60
— Ese Walter (@kendrickzma) February 19, 2016
I birth my son via CS but that didn’t stop me from worrying about the “tightness” of my vagina. #MerDroits60 #postpartumsex
— Ese Walter (@kendrickzma) February 19, 2016
At my six weeks check up, the doctor “warned” me of the “dangers” of getting pregnant again. #MerDroits60 #postpartumsex
— Ese Walter (@kendrickzma) February 19, 2016
I was told about all these contraceptive methods. Reading about them online scared me out of sex. #MerDroits60 #postpartumsex
— Ese Walter (@kendrickzma) February 19, 2016
I thought if I kept my legs closed, I wouldn’t need any contraception as the “risk” of pregnancy won’t come up. #MerDroits60 #postpartumsex
— Ese Walter (@kendrickzma) February 19, 2016
Surely this raises questions as to hubby feeling denied sex or left out. I also wondered why men didn’t have contraception. #MerDroits60
— Ese Walter (@kendrickzma) February 19, 2016
It was easier to get turned on by support and kinds words than by foreplay or an erect penis. #MerDroits60 #postpartumsex
— Ese Walter (@kendrickzma) February 19, 2016
My self esteem was plummeting because I needed constant reminder that I was beautiful. #MerDroits60 #postpartumsex
— Ese Walter (@kendrickzma) February 19, 2016
One time my son woke up in the middle of sex. I immediately lost interest in sex and picked him up. #MerDroits60 #postpartumsex
— Ese Walter (@kendrickzma) February 19, 2016
I thought sex would never be the same again. I thought child-birth had ruined sex for me. #MerDroits60 #postpartumsex
— Ese Walter (@kendrickzma) February 19, 2016
I had some regret around having a baby so early in my union. I was ready to accept sex as boring and hard work. #MerDroits60 #postpartumsex
— Ese Walter (@kendrickzma) February 19, 2016
As expected, Ese’s tweets generated a lot of buzz on social media, and opened up an important discourse on postpartum sex and it’s related issues.
Here are some important issues raised by these tweets:
1. Baby’s sleeping arrangement
Where does your baby sleep? In a nursery? Co-sleeping with mom? With a co-sleeper placed by the bed or sleeping in the same bed with the parents?
It’s been seen that sleeping in the same bed with the parents is quite common in most homes – It is very convenient for night-time feeding and also makes baby happy; however, this has its potential dangers.
First, it greatly increases the risk of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). You are not conscious of your movements when you sleep and can easily roll over and squish your little baby to death.
Also, the mom runs the risk of not getting a good night’s sleep, because she tries to be conscious of her movements knowing baby is by her side, and doesn’t want to harm him. This can have a ripple effect – no good night’s sleep for mom, stressed out mom, and ultimately results in anxiety and mental health issues.
A co-sleeper placed by the bed remains the best co-sleeping option; or better still, a baby should be left to sleep in the crib.
2. Sex may not remain the same after childbirth
In most cases, a doctor gives a new mom the go-ahead to resume penetrative sex with her partner after her six weeks check up.
However, this may not excite some women for various reasons. It could be that she is not mentally ready, because the trauma of childbirth is still very fresh and sex is the last thing on her mind. She doesn’t want to get pregnant just yet, or worried about contraceptives and thinks avoiding sex is the way to go.
Other common reasons are – she doesn’t feel good about her body changes, and is yet to come to terms with her new body. The stress of taking care of a newborn who constantly requires attention is taking a toll on her, especially if she doesn’t get any assistance. There’s a baby in the room, whether it’s a newborn or a toddler, it can’t be a comfortable experience making out in the presence of a baby.
Men have to be aware of all these, and be more understanding and cooperative.
3. Contraception for men
Seriously, there are only two options of contraception for men (male condoms and vasectomy), and at least 12 options of contraception for women. Not fair! Condoms reduce sensation for both parties, and getting a vasectomy might be a drastic measure. In fact, most African men would never get a vasectomy as a form of contraception.
It’s about time medical experts came up with pills or monthly injections for men. Wouldn’t it be nice if the responsibility of contraception and it’s resulting side effects were shared by both parties?
4. Your body may never remain the same
You might shed all the baby fat and all; but you may not completely return to your previous self. Then again, it’s not such a bad thing, you just have to be confident enough to embrace your new self.
There’s no need to turn off the lights before you feel sexy. A miracle was created through you, you are a vessel of God’s magnificence; therefore, do not be ashamed of your body, or your stretch marks. Stretch marks are the new tattoo. They come in different shapes and sizes, rock ’em like you just don’t care! You earned those stripes woman, they are your stripes of victory!
5. Men take note – Sex starts in the head for women
Women are more emotional than physical. A compliment her and there, a helping hand here and there, and you are on your way to setting her in the right mood. It works like a charm!
Chances are she’s completely knackered after a stressful day with the kids, or she’s not confident in her looks because you haven’t told her how beautiful she is lately.
So, looking to get some? Be nice and be rewarded.
6. Having babies within the first year of marriage
Marriage is no joke, and babies change a lot of things. Couples that understand themselves better are able to cope and adapt more easily.
Rushing into having babies in the first year of marriage, especially for couples that didn’t date for a long time might not be such a good idea.
It’s best to build a strong relationship with your partner before babies start coming; because once baby comes, attention is divided.
So, what are your thoughts about Ese’s tweets? Which of the issues can you relate with?
