‘Push present’: The gift we receive for ‘pushing’ out babies

The term ‘push present’ might be pretty recent, but it’s been in existence since the days of our forefathers.

It is the congratulatory gift a man gives the mother of his child in appreciation of all the stress she went through during pregnancy and childbirth (pushing).

I’ve given this a lot of thought recently, and have come to realize that we receive all sorts of push presents; from the good, to the bad, to the downright ugly.

Believe it or not, some mothers have been rewarded with ugly gifts for all their efforts, and in most cases, the ugly gift-givers are too impatient to wait for the “push”; they start to give their gifts once the woman announces she’s pregnant.

THE GOOD

  • Words of gratitude said to the face

In my opinion, this is the best kind of gift any woman will appreciate. That moment he looks into her eyes and says: “Thank you my darling, you have given me the best gift ever. I appreciate all that you have been through. You are so strong and I am proud of you”.

Nothing in this world can ever beat that. If a man likes let him buy all the cars or mansions in Banana and Cucumber Island; and yet he doesn’t thank the mother of his child with words said face to face, eyeball to eyeball; he will create a void in the woman’s heart which only God knows who or what will fill.

Some people might argue that actions speak louder than words. Yes, but this doesn’t mean one should go mute. There’s nothing wrong with backing up actions with words of appreciation.
Also, running off to social media to pour accolades on her, without saying those words face to face will not cut it.

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A word of gratitude said to the face, comes first on my good push present list. While A lot of our men are quite expressive in showing gratitude, you will still be surprised to learn that some of our mothers, 2, 3, 4… babies down the line are yet to receive this gift.

  • Acts of kindness

These are those little acts of kindness a man shows the mother of his kids. The lower back and feet massages he gives her while she’s pregnant. The scrumptious meals he cooks for her while she is exhausted. Those times he became her hand fan as PHCN struck in the middle of a hot night. Those times he prayed for her safe delivery. Those days he was actively involved in the pregnancy by scouting pregnancy websites to get information for her. Those times he told her she’s beautiful; despite her swollen nose. That time he made sure she was registered in a good hospital and got the best healthcare. That time he went into the labour room with her to support and encourage her. Those times he changed the messy diapers. Those nights he calmed the fussy baby to let the woman get some sleep. That period he motivated her postpartum weight loss by exercising with her. The list is endless, and I could go on and on…
The men that give these gifts of kindness can attest to the peace and love they enjoy in their homes.

  • Tangible gifts

Oh well, if the man is feeling generous, and can afford to, why not? He should splurge already! After all it’s not easy to push out an eight pound baby. The more thoughtful the gifts are the better. Things like a treadmill, a fitbit, or even exercise DVDs will never go amiss. Some men even buy cars for their wives. These are all well and good.

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THE BAD

  • Social media shout outs without being involved during pregnancy/birthing

We see this happen all the time. Once the woman puts to bed, he starts to post long epistles on social media, which usually end in “both mother and baby are doing fine”. How does he know mother is doing fine? Was he there? Does he know how she’s feeling? The poor woman might even be dealing with depression. Odiegwu! Husband/father of the year only on Facebook.

  • The man Invites his own mum for omugwo when the woman’s mum is alive and capable

Yeah, because he is the lord and master of the house, it’s either his way or the highway. He insists it is his own mother that will do omugwo. Oga let me ask you, na you born the pikin? Let she who needs help decide who she wants for omugwo! End of discussion!

 THE DOWNRIGHT UGLY                                                        

  • Cheating:

This one is the worst. Like seriously, who has the heart to cheat on a pregnant woman? Or  a woman that just had a baby? That is plain cruelty and sheer stupidity. God blesses you with a gift, and the best way to pay back is to commit adultery? When a man cheats on a pregnant woman, he cheats on three people: himself, the woman, and his unborn baby. He has already failed that baby even before he’s born. If he were actively involved in the pregnancy, he’ll be too busy caring for and loving her to have the time for flirting. What about the emotional stress on the woman when she finds out? Her cortisol (stress hormones) level rises, her blood pressure rises, baby is stressed because mom is stressed. There are dire consequences to these things folks!

  • STDs
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Yeah, because the Mr. has been sneaking around, he unknowingly “blesses” Mrs. with some unpleasant gifts. These could easily be passed to the foetus or a nursing baby. Research has shown that HIV transmission is more prevalent in married couples. Women, please protect yourselves when you sense you are being cheated on. Better safe than sorry.

  • Forcefully taking a child away from the mother

This usually happens when there are talks of separation or divorce while the woman is pregnant. The man wants the child but not the mom (of course, because the child fell from heaven). The child is forcefully taken away either by intimidation or suppression, or even taking the woman’s life, just to eliminate her from the scene. The nerve of some men!

  • Domestic Violence:

This one is unforgivable. No woman deserves this kind of ugly gift; especially a pregnant woman or a woman that just put to bed. A research conducted by Efetie ER and Salami HA of Department of Obstetrics and Gynaecology, National Hospital, Abuja, showed that 1 in 3 pregnant women is a victim of domestic violence. How heartbreaking is that? This is totally unacceptable and has got to stop.

Any woman that is a victim of domestic abuse should speak up. We don’t want to lose another woman to domestic violence. Learn the signs of Domestic abuse and know the helplines.

 

This list is not exhaustive. What push presents did I miss out? Which did you receive?

 

Maternity Nest

Nigerian information hub for parents and parents-to-be.

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