So there’s this photo making the rounds on social media, of a woman whose face was badly battered by her husband because she couldn’t get pregnant.
After many years of bearing the beatings, shame and stigma of a barren woman, medical tests revealed her ‘horseband’ was the problem.
He’s been begging the woman to forgive him, and she decided to take the matter to the highest court in Nigeria for judgement – The supreme court of social media! Should she forgive him or not?
You see, the problem with our society is whenever there is childlessness in a marriage, it is automatically assumed to be the woman’s fault.
Even though research has shown that 40% of infertility is caused by male problems like low sperm count; we just don’t care! It has to be the woman’s fault! It’s either she destroyed her uterus while having several abortions or she is a witch and has sold her womb to the marine world. Maybe there’s a generational curse in her family? Wait, how old is she again? 35? What was her husband even thinking marrying a woman above 30? She has expired! She definitely can’t have a child at that age! I laugh in Abiriba dialect.
What about the case of overbearing in-laws? They tell anyone who cares to listen that their son – “Mr. bursting-with-fertile-seeds” is married to his fellow man. They make life unbearable for the woman; she is the butt of all their jokes! She is advised to go for deliverance. Some even go as far as getting young supple girls for the husband. Yes, it’s been happening in this our Naija.
Now, if the woman is unlucky to have an insensitive husband, chai! she will hear nwii! Some men will cheat openly on their wives; threaten to divorce her; threaten to get a second wife; turn her into a punching bag. How heartbreaking is that though? Sometimes the emotional, and physical torture is just too much for the woman. She loses her sense of self-worth; she becomes a shadow of her former self; she starts hiding from the public, all because she “supposedly” cannot conceive.
But wait a minute! After all these years, none of these other women is getting pregnant for “Mr. bursting-with-fertile-seeds” ? Could something be wrong with him? He goes for a test, and oh dear! He is not exactly bursting with fertile seeds! Who would have thunk!
My people, come and see how music will suddenly switch from reggae to blues. The Mr goes from abusing to doting. The kind of love he will show his wife is more than the type found in Tokyo: from buying her expensive gifts, to doing the dishes like a pro. Don’t go awww…it’s all “shut-up love”; he doesn’t want her to spill the beans. Yeah, because it is impossible for a man to have fertility issues. Ignorance!
And what about the in-laws? Oh, you are still wondering? Of course they will suddenly become preachers and marriage counselors!
“Our wife, exercise some patience; the stress at work is affecting his sperm, it is only temporary”.
“My dear be prayerful, Jesus is still in the business of performing miracles “
“Show him love, this is the time he needs it most”
“My dear keep this a secret, no one else should know what’s going on in your home. Don’t let the enemy in”
“Our church is against divorce, it is a sin before God and man”.
“He’s your husband; marriage is for better or worse”
“Stand by him; a good woman supports and stands by her man in times of difficulty.
“Woman keep your home together, don’t let the devil use you, this too shall pass”
“We know you are fertile, please there’s no reason to test your fertility outside, it is adultery”
“Maybe you can try adopting a child?
Shiooor! Stories that touch the heart!
The point is, do unto others as you would like done unto you. Your reaction should be the same irrespective of who is suffering from infertility issues. Always ask yourself “will I act this way if it were my son/daughter/brother/sister” that was affected?
Infertility is a very sensitive issue; let’s stop making life unbearable for others. There’s already so much emotional and physical challenges to deal with.
